HE SAID THE SEA MADE HIM SICK. THEN I SAW HIM ON A DOLPHIN TOUR WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
Chapter 10
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Nobody rubbed sunscreen onto my shoulders.
I did it myself.
I laughed when I realized what I was doing.
Actually laughed.
For the first time, the memory didn’t feel like a knife.
The boat pulled away from the dock.
The city grew smaller.
Wind pushed my hair across my face.
The farther we went, the easier I breathed.
Then the guide pointed toward the horizon.
A dolphin surfaced.
Then two more.
People cheered.
I did too.
One jumped completely out of the water.
For one perfect second, its whole body flashed silver in the sun before falling back into the sea.
I gripped the railing.
My eyes filled.
Not because of Caleb.
Not entirely.
Because I had spent years believing memories counted less if I made them alone.
I had waited for my husband to become willing to live parts of my life with me.
I had postponed joy because I wanted company.
And somewhere along the way, I had confused love with waiting.
The boat turned slowly.
Salt mist touched my face.
I thought about the first tour.
Caleb going white when he saw me.
Rachel asking, “Do you know her?”
My own voice answering, “He sleeps next to me.”
The hat.
The sunscreen.
Three tours.
Four years of excuses.
For a long time, I had believed the cruelest part was the affair.
Eventually, I understood it wasn’t.
The cruelest part was how easily he had made me question whether the things I wanted were unreasonable.
I had asked for a boat ride.
He had made it feel like a burden.
Then he had given it freely to someone else.
That knowledge hurt.
But it also freed me from one final lie.
There had never been anything wrong with asking.
There had never been anything wrong with wanting him beside me.
He simply stopped believing he needed to show up.
Another dolphin surfaced beside the boat.
I watched until it disappeared beneath the water.
Then I smiled.
For four years, my husband told me he hated boats.
He said they made him sick.
He said he couldn’t handle the rocking.
He said I should go without him.
In the end, I discovered the truth in the middle of the ocean, with another woman wearing his hat and his hands covered in sunscreen.
My husband never hated boats.
He just saved those trips for another woman.
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