HE SAID THE SEA MADE HIM SICK. THEN I SAW HIM ON A DOLPHIN TOUR WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
Chapter 3
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And holding it out to him like it had suddenly become something filthy.
“Explain,” she said.
And for the first time, I understood that Caleb had nowhere left to go.
PART 2: THREE BOAT TOURS
Caleb didn’t explain.
Not really.
People who say “I can explain” usually mean “Give me enough time to build a version of the truth that hurts me less.”
He looked at Rachel.
Then at me.
Then toward the front of the boat.
“We should talk when we get back.”
Rachel laughed.
“No.”
“Rachel.”
“No. You told me she left.”
Caleb glanced at me.
“It’s complicated.”
I felt something inside me turn cold.
Complicated.
Our marriage had become complicated only after I caught him.
That morning it had been simple enough for him to kiss me goodbye.
Simple enough for him to ask if I wanted him to pick up Thai food for dinner.
Simple enough for him to remind me to wear sunscreen.
The irony almost made me dizzy.
“What exactly is complicated?” I asked.
He rubbed a hand over his face.
“We haven’t been good for a while.”
I stared at him.
That was news to me.
Not that we had been perfect.
We weren’t.
Marriage was not a movie.
There were bills.
Long workdays.
Small resentments.
Nights when one of us fell asleep before the other.
Weeks when we seemed to communicate mostly through grocery lists and reminders.
But we still ate dinner together.
Still shared a bed.
Still kissed goodbye.
Still made plans.
Two weeks earlier, he had asked whether we should repaint the bedroom.
A month earlier, we had talked about taking a trip in the fall.
Three nights before the boat tour, his feet had been cold and he had slid them under my legs on the couch while we watched television.
Apparently somewhere between all of that, according to Caleb, our marriage had ended.
Nobody had told me.
“You mean you haven’t been good,” I said.
He frowned.
“That’s not fair.”
Something in Rachel’s face shifted.
She looked at him as if she was seeing him more clearly by the second.
I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
“You told me you were separated,” she said.
“We were basically separated.”
I looked at him.
“We share toothpaste.”
“Emily.”
“You left your laundry on the bedroom floor yesterday.”
He closed his eyes.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this here.”
Rachel folded her arms.
“You told me she was living with her sister.”
I didn’t have a sister.
I looked at Caleb.
That lie was so stupid, so unnecessary, that for some reason it hurt more than the others.
“You gave me a sister?”
He looked away.
Rachel’s mouth opened.
“You don’t have a sister?”
“No.”
“Oh my God.”
She covered her face with both hands.
I should have hated her.
Maybe part of me wanted to.
It would have been easier.
There she was, young and pretty under the hard afternoon sunlight, the woman wearing my husband’s hat, the woman he had rubbed sunscreen onto, the woman who had taken the boat tours he had denied me.
But hatred refused to settle cleanly.
Because Rachel looked blindsided too.
Not innocent exactly.
She had dated a married man.
But if what she was saying was true, she believed she was dating a man whose marriage was already over.
There was a difference.
Caleb had made sure there was a difference.
He had protected himself from her conscience with lies.
Just as he had protected himself from my questions with lies.
One man.
Two realities.
We had simply collided in the middle of the ocean.
I looked at Rachel.
“When did he tell you we separated?”
She answered before Caleb could stop her.
“The first night we went out.”
Caleb muttered, “Jesus Christ.”
I ignored him.
“Did you know he was married before that?”
“Yes.”
At least she didn’t lie.
“He told me the divorce was basically paperwork. That you’d both accepted it.”
My stomach tightened.
“Divorce.”
Rachel nodded slowly.
“I’m sorry.”
I believed her.
That surprised me.
Maybe because she wasn’t asking me to comfort her.
Maybe because she wasn’t defending herself.
Maybe because she kept looking at Caleb with growing disgust.
“He said you wanted different things,” she continued.
“Rachel,” Caleb warned.
She rounded on him.
“No. You don’t get to tell me what I can say anymore.”
He lowered his voice.
“People are staring.”
She looked around.
“Good.”
I nearly smiled.
Caleb saw it.
That seemed to make him angrier.
“This has gotten completely out of control.”
I looked at him.
“You’re right. The secret girlfriend should have been more discreet.”
“She is not—”
He stopped.
Wrong direction.
Too late.
Rachel’s eyes narrowed.
“I’m not what?”
Caleb swallowed.
May you like
The silence answered for him.
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